Room to Play

Near the border of Utah visiting my sister Kitty and her boyfriend John

Empty church sign frame

The church was for sale!

Hello friends! How have you been? Well, let me tell you, I have been on vacation for the past couple weeks, so I am feeling relaxed, happy, and INSPIRED!

Have you ever felt scared to do anything, or make any decision at all? I didn't realize I had been feeling that way for a long time until a little vacation shined some sun through my clouds.

Over the past two weeks, one of my biggest breakthroughs was that I STOPPED constantly asking myself, "Once and for all, who are you, Bao?"

I've realized that since moving out, the pressure slowly mounted for me to figure out my path already. I didn't want to feel aimless anymore, and I kept blindly adopting tactics, to be practical, I told myself, but really it was to create the impression that my decisions were all leading somewhere.

One of the ways I clamped down was by trying to force myself to define my style, and buying only clothes that fit in with that rigid definition. But it wasn't even really my style, it was just my idea that everything had to be appropriate for work - in an office job I don't particularly care for. No money wasted on extraneous "experimentations". It was all business. I know I talked in my last post about frugality, but I think with style, which is important to me, I took it a bit too far.

Time and energy were other resources I was becoming way too strict about. I was very reluctant to give any of my time away, because in my mind my energy, especially, was an extremely limited resource that I worried constantly about expending. My topsy turvy schedule really takes a lot out of me, but on top of that, I didn't have much of a vision for life beyond my current job.

Now I am giving myself more room to play. I am letting myself expand just a little bit into what I feel, and what I really want to do. As a result, I have a bit more of a vision for my life! :) Funny how you think, by giving up control, you will lose direction in life, but sometimes that's what you really need to figure it out!

I can't wait to share more with you the things I'm learning, and to even show you stuff I've bought lately :) Shopping haul!! Yes, this is that kind of blog - since we're friends I have to show you what I'm excited about, right!!

I will talk to you again soon, friend, with a shopping haul. Until then I would love to hear your stories about finding inspiration again. Bye!

Love,

Bao

Summertime, Frugal Weekend!

Hello friends! I'm back again! Sooner than you thought, right? Well I must admit to you that, writing again within the same month, I don't know how to start this conversation, except for in my accustomed style - awkward and abrupt.

Since with my current job I only get one weekend off a month, I've been trying to enjoy these past couple of days off with my boo thoroughly. Saturday, Max and I roamed thrift stores and an international festival downtown. We bought a really yummy jar of crystalized, Colorado honey from a local beekeeper, got Max registered to vote, and ran from the rain. At night we went to a cute, trendy restaurant called North County to enjoy tacos and churros for dinner.

Max sporting his newly acquired "Vote, F*cker" button, outside the Denver Art Museum

Today my friend Yuliya and I practiced our photography skills on each other downtown, in the area around Union Station and the Millennium Bridge. I mostly modeled for her, but she wouldn't show me any of the pictures she snapped of me today, since she wants to choose the best ones and photoshop them. Here's a photo I snapped of her, though.

On the Millennium Bridge figuring out shutter speeds

After saying goodbye to Yuliya, I went with Max south to the Castle Rock outlet mall in search of camping gear. We quickly realized camping gear was not the mainstay at that mall, but of course clothes and accessories were! We had a good time walking and looking around (and again practicing photography) though the offerings at every store seemed to us bland. What's important is that we explored! Later we went grocery shopping, made some sandwiches for dinner, and finally ended the weekend with one last excursion to our favorite hookah spot. Now of course I'm at home writing this :)

Posing at the outlet mall. Don't let the lighting fool you, it was hot!

Finally, I want to take a moment to note how much more frugal I've become recently. Ever since setting some serious goals for myself, I've become more and more driven with the long term in mind. I went a whole week without spending any money, eating only food that we had gotten from the grocery. And I've gotten a lot better at telling myself that the sense of instant gratification I can get from buying things - especially clothes that aren't necessary, just to add a sense of novelty to my life, is not worth putting off my goals anymore! Better to save my money! And enjoy the journey and the people with me, more than transient items acquired along the way.

Love,

Bao

A Lot of Promise

Hi there, friends!

Should I apologize again for the time in between posts, or have we established a new norm already? Well, I'll say it one more time, anyway: I'm very sorry for the delay in between posts... this time even longer than the last!

Last time I promised I would be back soon, but then we moved into a new apartment and, well, it's like I turned a new page in life. Since the building we're in now is more modern, clean, and pretty, I've been motivated to do all that I can to keep it that way. Here, I'll show you some pictures :)

My Chloé bag modeling on our dining table with the flowers Max got me for our 2nd year anniversary! :)

Our DIY shelf next to the window doesn't block the sunlight!

I am finally starting to feel like a real adult. To me, that means prioritizing what is important in life and focusing your energy towards that, without relying on too many other people to get you there. Of course Max is there for the ride, because he is my partner in life, but still there are many things that, regardless of relationship status, everyone has to face on their own. Some of those things for me have been: dealing with rejection, taking a stance on certain issues and facing opposition for it, and motivating myself in my hours alone to do things that I used to not have the energy or strength to do on my own.

I wish I could speak with you with a bit more detail about my life, but I guess that comes more easily when one updates more frequently than I have been doing. For now it's broad strokes again. Without making this sound like too much of a promise, I will say that I will try painting with smaller strokes, soon enough, hehe.

Goodbye, friends! I leave you with a picture of a tranquil evening we spent in the park last week, reading on a throw blanket we spread out on the grass.

Love,

Bao

An Ordinary Life

Hello friends, I apologize for the silence here on the blog. I was thinking I would write in here every week, but actually that is quite hard to do - especially when you want to put content out that you feel will make a contribution in some way. My life is not full of grand lessons every day, nor is it full of worldwide adventure or photo-worthy moments to whisk anyone else out of their everyday lives.

All I have to offer you are some simple observations, some modest plans, and an occasional picture here and there.

There's nothing wrong with that though, is there? One of the tenets of my writing here is that we are friends. So there shouldn't be pressure for me to teach you anything, or to give you only carefully constructed and curated glimpses into my life. If you are here, it is only to enjoy some company. By the way, feel welcome to comment on my posts, I will definitely respond!

Let me tell you a little bit about what's going on in my life right now.

My Routines: Skincare

Dear friends, I had the idea of writing to you about my skin care routine, but I kept wanting to sneak other topics in here. The idea of writing only about skin care seems so simple and concrete to me, and simple and concrete is not really the way I think. But routine is one of the few doorways I have found into focusing on the present, and into experiencing more through my body rather than only through my mind. I want to keep this blog simple, to keep up a conversation with anyone who might read me, and to continue exploring how simple, concrete acts can lead to dialogue and personal insight, by showing the type of person you are in doing them. The best way to become is to simply be!

In these modern times, when diverse experiences from all different walks of life are offered up in so many fragments and artifacts on the internet, a person like me could spend a whole day adrift. And, believe me, I have! I have spent days on my couch just taking in abstract ideas of others' lives, and doing just the bare minimum to eat and clean, and basically care for myself. So I am thankful for routine. I am thankful to have the energy to gather myself, most days, into enough of a concrete person to do routines to care for myself and my surroundings. Again, believe me, I didn't always have that. I am slowly learning to love myself a little more, to make more time for myself and for the life I want to lead. This blog is one of the ways I am putting my energy into myself a little bit more.

I am thinking I will write about more of my routines here. Each routine gives you a doorway into my personality, my mind, and how I approach things - like how I budget my money, how I decide what my skin needs, how I research, my role models, and so many other undercurrents. I might write about my bathtime routine next, or my shopping routine. But without further ado, here is one of the routines I practice: my skincare routine. All that is written here are my thoughts and opinions. I am not an expert by any means!

An Open Room

Hi blog, it's been a while! Since I last wrote, Max and I moved out together and both started new jobs. We have been slowly getting the ropes of building a life together. He has mainly been the person to cook, while I have mainly been the person to plan and occasionally clean. Our life isn't beautiful by any means. It has had its dark days full of doubt and stress, and wide open expansive, joyous days full of love and hope. One thing for sure is that it is becoming more and more our own. A new feeling of peace has introduced itself to me amidst this bumpy ride. I have never before experienced the feeling of being so close to someone, loving them as much as I feel loved, trusting them so that the most intimate, vulnerable center point of me feels enclosed by the warmth of our bond -- and at the same time, sensing an openness and expansiveness in that bond, because I know that it is not all-consuming... like the quote, I know that we are not lovers lost in each others' eyes, but lovers gazing in the same direction, at the world around us. There is an openness and closeness in this relationship, the relationship most important to me at this point in my life. I am grateful that Max and I found each other, to be able to experience this at such a young age. Who's to say what will come, but I am grateful for everything thus far, at least.

But I don't mean to write here to keep singing praises for my relationship. I just don't want to overwhelm you with too many updates about my life, now that I'm back! Rather, I wanted to give you a warm hello, giving you a casual recap as I lean on the doorway of this room I haven't entered for quite some time. I am excited to start writing here again, and a lot more regularly, too. Thanks for taking the time to read me again, friend. I'll see you soon!