Room to Play

Near the border of Utah visiting my sister Kitty and her boyfriend John

Empty church sign frame

The church was for sale!

Hello friends! How have you been? Well, let me tell you, I have been on vacation for the past couple weeks, so I am feeling relaxed, happy, and INSPIRED!

Have you ever felt scared to do anything, or make any decision at all? I didn't realize I had been feeling that way for a long time until a little vacation shined some sun through my clouds.

Over the past two weeks, one of my biggest breakthroughs was that I STOPPED constantly asking myself, "Once and for all, who are you, Bao?"

I've realized that since moving out, the pressure slowly mounted for me to figure out my path already. I didn't want to feel aimless anymore, and I kept blindly adopting tactics, to be practical, I told myself, but really it was to create the impression that my decisions were all leading somewhere.

One of the ways I clamped down was by trying to force myself to define my style, and buying only clothes that fit in with that rigid definition. But it wasn't even really my style, it was just my idea that everything had to be appropriate for work - in an office job I don't particularly care for. No money wasted on extraneous "experimentations". It was all business. I know I talked in my last post about frugality, but I think with style, which is important to me, I took it a bit too far.

Time and energy were other resources I was becoming way too strict about. I was very reluctant to give any of my time away, because in my mind my energy, especially, was an extremely limited resource that I worried constantly about expending. My topsy turvy schedule really takes a lot out of me, but on top of that, I didn't have much of a vision for life beyond my current job.

Now I am giving myself more room to play. I am letting myself expand just a little bit into what I feel, and what I really want to do. As a result, I have a bit more of a vision for my life! :) Funny how you think, by giving up control, you will lose direction in life, but sometimes that's what you really need to figure it out!

I can't wait to share more with you the things I'm learning, and to even show you stuff I've bought lately :) Shopping haul!! Yes, this is that kind of blog - since we're friends I have to show you what I'm excited about, right!!

I will talk to you again soon, friend, with a shopping haul. Until then I would love to hear your stories about finding inspiration again. Bye!

Love,

Bao