I'm afraid today is going to be a boring, photo-less post. It's Saturday. I have the next 5 days off. I am just relaxing today, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do in this mini vacation that got built into my January work schedule.
Do you ever feel like you're just laying around waiting for something to happen? Some idea to hit you, some energy to come to you that you just don't have right now, to get up and start doing something? I often do.
Now that I'm part time, people ask me, what are you doing with your extra time? Well, honestly, I am still just figuring out what to do with my extra time. I'm trying to stay busy, with this blog, with The Artist's Way workbook... but a lot of old habits from depression are present in my life. It feels strange to have more energy to do things, not knowing what to apply that energy towards. Putting myself out there more raises questions I never had to deal with before, too. Anxiety hits me about the things that I'm doing and saying. But at the same time I have a bit more resilience, to bounce back from those anxious thoughts. I'm still just adjusting.
Today, I have done enough already, I think. Cleaned the apartment with Max. Saw my friend Tran at a cafe. Took a nap. Wrote in here. I think I'll spend the rest of the evening reading... dreaming and scheming. What more to do in these precious days of part-time work and how else to take advantage of this time, to learn about myself, to lay the foundation for life the way I want to live it. I'm living it now. I should never lose sight of that.
Enjoy your present, precious friends. Life is precious.
love,
Bao
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