How to Become Your Own Boss (When You Are a Special Snowflake Named Bao)

Dear lovies,

Yes, today you are lovies, because after all isn't it the month of love?

Don't judge me too harshly for totally buying into the Valentine's vibes. It's also Black History Month here in the states, so there might be love vibes for me from that, too, to be honest and true n_n

I know there are reasons to celebrate every day, not just one designated span of time, but I still honor the titles and significance we collectively bequeath days and months. The fact alone that certain ideals deserve at least a day for us all, in our communities, to hold and share their significance is pretty great don't you think?

Anyhoo, today I wanted to share something more personal with you, about the work I did internally to reach the decision to quit my job. When I shared the news with you, I spoke in a lot of generalities about my reasons why, and that's not what I want for us, to remain always on a level of platitudes and generalities. Also, I think the possibility exists to spark compassion and insight in others by sharing my own story of working towards compassion and insight with myself.

So, I don't know how to begin other than by beginning... here is some of the work that I did to reach where I am today, broken down into steps the best that I could manage.

Coffee Saturday

Hello my dear friends :)

Max and I spent Saturday together playing around with our camera and gambling a little in Blackhawk, in the mountains. Max really wanted to drive his new sports car around, so the trip up to the mountains was more to break his car in than to go up to gamble.

These pictures were taken in Metropolis coffee, in the Broadway neighborhood, where there's a mix of cool, anti-establishment coffee shops, bookstores, tattoo parlors, gift shops, and a collection of cute boutiques and hip secondhand stores. We limited ourselves to just coffee for our visit, though.

I really wanted to showcase my rings, which I have been wearing every day. The chunkier ring is from David Yurman. Max bought it for me last year off of eBay, because I really wanted that style ring. I absolutely adore the mixed metal. I'm also wearing my new WWAKE ring, which I purchased as a promise ring to myself recently. It has three different types of stones, including a tiny hidden diamond, just for me, facing my palm. Both rings carry a lot of meaning for me.

Jewelry is so beautifully intimate, it feels very loving to have at least a couple of pieces which anchor you in yourself. These two rings serve that function for me :)

Hope you are enjoying your Sunday, my lovelies! Please read more for outfit (and lipstick) details n_n

love,

Bao

Fog Lifting

Hi, friends, Bao here.

I'm sliding into here on the last day of the week to deliver my promised regular post.

Maybe I could even start blogging everyday from now on. I can afford the time now, anyway. I quit my job.

Let me say that again, in case it didn't sink in the first time. I quit my job.

I needed out, you guys. I needed out of feeling never connected to what I was doing. Feeling not in the midst of life, but instead floating over it all the time. I need meaning in my life. I can chip away at something, out of a sense of duty and (up until now) relying on external sources to give structure to my days. But it came down to an all or nothing question for me. And I opted for nothing, I guess.

There have been big questions nagging at me. Of culture and belonging. Self sufficiency within societal systems of responsibility. Relationships and boundaries... I don't think I paid too much attention to "the rules". I was ignorant to so many of them, going through college, and then through my first real-life jobs after college. I still managed to avoid trouble, though. My ignorance can be explained by being a first generation immigrant, not fully embraced by either one of her cultures - oh, and also by my introversion. A double whammy. Anything that an extrovert might have learned through social experience, missed me completely. I managed to avoid trouble, though, because I am mild-mannered, and when I'm not mild-mannered, I am at least somewhat thoughtful about it.

Anyway, I want to forget the rules. The rules I have been tiptoeing around all my life. The lines I've stayed inside. This map was made by someone else, so I am just constantly hovering over it, not connecting to anything on the actual terrain. So I'd like to jump down to the terrain. Forge my own map, my own lines, rules, whatever the heck you want to call them.

At the back of all this, too, I want to spend more time with my family. Make more of a concerted effort with my family.

Honestly, I don't think that the values and rules I come up with for myself will differ all that much from most peoples'. My map will look similar to everyone else's, at the end of the day. But the important part is arriving at them myself.

As I become more of an adult, I make bolder decisions. Let's hope it'll turn out for the best. I have a little bit of a financial net to catch me. I can make it for the next couple months. But after that, I need to find other ways of making money.

Wish me luck, my friends.

love,

Bao

Tattered Cover Bookstore

Moto Shearling Jacket

Hello, friends!

I'm making up for yesterday's photoless blog post with a quick little outfit shoot.

Today went by really fast. We slept in, had a bit of relaxing time on the couch, me writing in my journal and Max scrolling Facebook. Then we went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Aurora for a reunion lunch with a few people from our old company, where Max and I met originally.

Afterwards we went to the central library downtown because I had a book due. I also picked up some Spanish textbooks and reference books - need to start preparing some lesson materials so that I can start tutoring in Spanish! My little side hustle, hehe.

Max good-naturedly took these pictures for me on his phone because I was feelin' my outfit n_n I'm wearing a few new things, like the jeans and the jacket.The jacket was a total steal from Express, and it kept me warm while Max in his fisherman cardigan complained about being chilly.

We drove home at 4:30 and I marveled at how it wasn't yet dark outside. I'm so happy to be getting closer and closer to Spring, though I know it's gonna be a long time yet. Winter in Colorado starts really picking up its pace in February and March, actually. It snows on my birthday more than you'd expect, since my birthday's all the way at the end of March. Lots of light is still something to enjoy, though :)

Hope you all had a great weekend!

love,

Bao

p.s. read more for outfit details. get to know which stores take my money ;)

In the Moment

Dear friends,

I'm afraid today is going to be a boring, photo-less post. It's Saturday. I have the next 5 days off. I am just relaxing today, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do in this mini vacation that got built into my January work schedule.

Do you ever feel like you're just laying around waiting for something to happen? Some idea to hit you, some energy to come to you that you just don't have right now, to get up and start doing something? I often do.

Now that I'm part time, people ask me, what are you doing with your extra time? Well, honestly, I am still just figuring out what to do with my extra time. I'm trying to stay busy, with this blog, with The Artist's Way workbook... but a lot of old habits from depression are present in my life. It feels strange to have more energy to do things, not knowing what to apply that energy towards. Putting myself out there more raises questions I never had to deal with before, too. Anxiety hits me about the things that I'm doing and saying. But at the same time I have a bit more resilience, to bounce back from those anxious thoughts. I'm still just adjusting.

Today, I have done enough already, I think. Cleaned the apartment with Max. Saw my friend Tran at a cafe. Took a nap. Wrote in here. I think I'll spend the rest of the evening reading... dreaming and scheming. What more to do in these precious days of part-time work and how else to take advantage of this time, to learn about myself, to lay the foundation for life the way I want to live it. I'm living it now. I should never lose sight of that.

Enjoy your present, precious friends. Life is precious.

love,

Bao

Snowy Day Spent Inside in Denver

Hi again, friends. I'm back again :)

I've just been spending the day inside relaxing and doing a little personal work. I'm currently reading through The Artist's Way workbook by Julia Cameron. So far I've made it to week 8. I'll let you know how it goes once I'm at the end. All of the things on my bulletin board in the picture above, actually, are things I've done because of assignments in that book :) Except for the little blue pic of FKA Twigs.

Today I felt like giving you a little peek of my room. I mentioned that I redecorated, and the biggest change I made, which I'm most excited for, was I got my own little desk. With the shelf next to it with all my skin care, hair care, and makeup housed in it, my desk also sometimes doubles as my vanity :) I am so grateful to have a little space in our home where I can work, and that is filled with things I love.

See where the pillow is on the floor? I intend to make that my zen and dreaming space soon, as soon as I find a small stand to place in the corner, where I can put incense. Another assignment from The Artist's Way, actually :)

There you have it, a little corner of my world :) It hasn't been clean and clutter free in a while, so today was a good time to share.

I wanted to speak a little bit about the topic of sharing today, actually. I love sharing and documenting online, as I've expressed before. That's why I started to blog, because I wanted to create an intentional space where I could share my life, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and any little thing else. The intention is to have a space of support, of recognition. Even if not many people read these words or visit, whoever does take the time to do so, I hope that you get some sense of companionship from me through my words and images.

I know how it is to be lonely. And I know the importance of having your own space - even if it is only virtual. Hey, virtual is how so many of us connect nowadays. I am renewing and deepening my intention to connect through here, and to share. Social media is not all about getting likes and followers, or at least it doesn't have to be. Blogging is helping me, and I hope that maybe it helps someone else out there, too.

My little moment of zen for today ;)

Hope you're feeling cozy, warm, and loved, wherever you are.

love,

Bao

Get to Know Me: 7 Facts

Having breakfast at home this morning. Welcome in :)

Dear readers and friends,

It's been hard for me to write this post. I wrote it a few times, but then scrapped each draft. And I am currently writing from the start again. Ah, well, it's a personal blog, so I think it might even be best to be writing in the moment, anyway, wouldn't you agree? n_n

If you couldn't tell from the title of this entry, I wanted a chance for us to get to know each other better... or, heck, I might as well just say it: a chance for you to get to know me better, since this blog is mainly all about me :P I can't help it that that's the nature of the medium! Hehe. Feel free to comment though, anything you like. I promise I don't bite! And maybe then we will get a chance to get to know each other better n_n

Here is my breakfast. I hope you have something yummy, and something hot to sip on as well :)

Without further ado, here they are, seven facts about me. Fun and interesting facts about me, with pictures from my past (!), after the jump :)