stream of consciousness 1

 No one needs to read me, because I read me. I will remember me. I will remember how obsessed I was with words in high school, and beyond. Until I learned the stretch of words, how they don't stretch far enough. Tacky filled with holes that the act of naming things is.

I don't have to make sense. I will make sense to myself in the future. I hope. My grammar makes sense to me. And it shall in the future. Grammar is kind of engrained in us. I love that.

I can't smoke at my new job.

I did smoke just now. 

My DBT group therapist told us today that we should journal. Journalling has never come easier to me than through the keyboard.

Maybe I've been trying to force myself to write too much. I feel a little autistic. When I was little, I woke up one day and decided it would be totally doable to write out the exact happenings of my entire day. So I took out a journal and pen and wrote, "I woke up and decided to write everything that happens today."

I told my elementary school librarian of my plan, after much arduous work of writing down the fact of my having travelled to school to arrive at the library, and she said something light and lightly laced with disbelief in the enormity and complexity of my task, but not enough to hurt my feelings. I wish I remember what she said. I'm too busy focused on my own words. Constantly correcting myself. I write so I can edit. I am editing right now. added more description. but i have to stop that. i have to just keep going forward. Never edit. Not in these lines.

I can't edit in real life.

I'm listening to Yaeji, "I'll Remember For Me, I'll Remember For You". 

Maybe I have ADHD too.

Yes, let's keep adding to my list of self-diagnoses. LMAO.

I will try to journal in here more often.

tomorrow - 3/1/24

. call chatfield auto body

. therapy 3 pm

. nothing else

. DON'T GET HIGH

.organize my DBT files

.go to a yoga class

.walk Lilah 2x

things to talk to Kritika about:

1. i am much more social in a pressure-free kind of way in DBT group online.  i don't feel so alien/dissociated in my own body.

    example: I just blurted out some regurgitated line from Masaru about people being image-obsessed at a dermatology office. i let the fact that i blurt it out settle into my mind and body - something i had just said and how I should feel about it. this process wasn't stymied by anxiety about how me blurting that out was perceived. i let myself process how this regurgitation of another person's observation felt to me - was there a possibility that i am possibly recalcitrant and, though i fit the image of a dermatology practice, i resist being pigeonholed or defined in any way? Something along those lines was able to pass through my mind as an impression, a feeling, a half formed thought. not all anxiety laden.

2. edmr / inner child work

3. i want to be formless in my relationships. i hate people defining me because i am an aquarius venus. 

4. i love astrology.

other things: i am trying to read Carl Jung's entry level book. Man and His Symbols. Something like that. 

I am going to buy myself a safe in which to lock away my vape pen so i only smoke at most once a week. a puff here or there to have a fun time by myself. or with friends.

not doing anymore weed.

 Hi all,

This is copied over from my journal to my blog. I like making myself accountable - "to the stars" sometimes I'll say, but more so, it's so I can be accountable to humans. I want to be a good human. And also I want to feel connected to the universe, but for me that cannot bypass humanity and the human mind. I think my human-ness is where I can find the most joy. And drugs take me out of my human-ness. Drugs make me short sighted, feeling like just because with drugs I can think so-called "out of this world" thoughts, that I can solve my life's problems with them. But anyway, today I made the decision not to use drugs anymore, and this is my journal entry about it, after the cut. 

a mini tour of little things

 

i have, from left to right, my little stormed glass box, it opens up to just miscellaneous tools and extras that i throw in from my makeup. my small bottle of le labo perfume, little sample size items of skincare, deodorant, and behind that deodorant, a jewelry tree. and next to the deodorant, if you think that's a purple pokeball, it's not, it's an eye cream/eye brightener from tatcha ^-^ Then my mirror, and in front of the mirror my lip colors. The super bright pink one is from Trixie Mattel ^-^ then there's some tools like sunscreen and (you can't see it) a gua sha stone. In the gold frame tray, i have a cup of brushes, a cup of tools (flashlight, scissors, candle lighter, etc.), and my go-to makeup.

Hope you enjoyed the mini tour :)

a diary of things

 today i did a lot of things, and bought a lot of things.

i bought the dyson airstyler. which i am going to immediately complain about to Dyson when it arrives, because the newest iteration they put out has one less attachment brush than the previous iterations, but still costs the same. plus it doesn't have the hard leather case, either, but instead a soft, foldable "travel case". They should charge at least $70 less!

i bought sunless tanner at Target. they are having a "14 days of beauty" event going on, where every day a different item in the beauty section is discounted. today was the day I was waiting for, because the sunless tanners were on sale for 30% off! Woo! as I type to you, I am a lovely shade of golden creme brulee.

i love my room now. it is my oasis. it has everything i need.

my room has curtains, on a curtain rod that holds two layers of drapes, sheer ones, and blackout curtains so i can envelop myself in complete darkness for sleep. that's the only way I can sleep.

it has my beautiful desk.

it has a very comfortable twin size mattress from Helix. with sumptuous linen sheets from Etsy, and a beautiful abstract cloud-design duvet cover from West Elm. The comforter itself is from Buffy.

my room has an armchair which is the perfect width for sitting back in and giving myself pedicures. the armchair also folds out into another bed, should anyone ever stay over.

it has a humidifier. it gives me blissful sleep. 

it has candles. it has a lamp. a ceiling fan.

the items I use less often: the TV. the foot spa my friend gifted me recently for my birthday! n_n but when I do use the foot spa, man is it a relaxing, fun time. my meditation cushion. I am getting back into the habit of meditating again, so this last item is getting more use.

i love my room. the only thing i can't do in my room anymore is yoga, because there is now not enough floor space in my room to do yoga. A shame. 

i love the color of my nails right now! they are the color of green olives!

it's going to be my birthday soon. i'll need to pack a bag for the weekend. Max, Kitty, John, and I are going to drive to Glenwood Springs on Saturday and stay overnight at a hotel. we'll soak in the hot springs and play games in our hotel room, maybe watch a movie, or whatnot.

I turn 31 on the 30th. I am having a low-intensity, simmering midlife crisis. wondering what i should do next in terms of career.

life is good, though. i'm sure I'll figure it out :) 

swervy

 Jeesh,

I feel like I am totally hungover. I'm just gonna keep writing until something good comes out, okay? 

Why do I talk better with my fingers than I do with my mouth? I don't know. I feel like my fingers can keep up with me; these mobile, nimble agents. And then my mouth is part of my face, which I am ever so conscious of. Ever since I was little, people would ask me the same questions. Something about my accent, and something about my race. "Why can't I understand her?" "Oh, because she's nguoi hue, nguoi hue are so hard to understand." "Con, is one of your parents white?" I don't even remember what I used to answer them. I didn't know how those questions applied to me. But one thing for sure is I've always felt a little bit different.

I have been hurt so many times before in the past. Hurt in ways that I didn't even comprehend at the time. A lot of emotions, among them anger, have been pouring forth from me lately when I sit and reflect on the experiences I've had directly tied to, or in the parameters of, sex. I have such a topsy turvy landscape of sexual relationships, or relationships that were tinged with sexual elements. But, just in general, my relationships - with myself, and with others - and the subconscious forces at play in those relationships have been an object of scrutiny by me, using the lens of feminism and trauma-informed psychological mumbo jumbo that I've mosaicked together from my desultory readings. It's bringing up a lot of feelings and it's depressing my mood, and I've got to go back to therapy for this shit now.

But this year is going to be SO. GOOD. I can feel it! I'm turning 31 at the end of this month, and I've lost 10 pounds, and still going to lose a bit more. I'm feeling a bit more attractive. Don't get me wrong, I still think I'm cute when I am heavier - and this was the first time I ever let myself get heavier, so now I know that I'm still cute :D But I just want to control my appearance a little to fit my aesthetic. I'm bougie like that, making efforts heedless of expense to attain my standard of living. Also, I'm a healthy, cosseted little Asian girl, and so I should keep some firmness in my body to show that I'm not a total layabout. 

I probably shouldn't talk about myself like that, saying things like "cosseted little Asian girl." It is devaluing myself, as I am more than a girl. I am not little. I may be cosseted by my parents, compared to many, but I am of a breed that was born well and tries to live well, in health and in deed. 

Life is so good right now. I am still living with my parents. Max is still living with his. My room is so badass. I finally have this desk that took 6 months to get to me. I supported an indie company on a crowdfunding website. I ordered the desk back in September or October, and I finally got it delivered to me on Thursday. Max and my dad put it together for me. It is like a sculpture in my room, a piece of art. I feel like I can do anything at this desk!

I'll talk to you later.

Bao

Always Here, Moving

Hello old friend!

It's been almost two years since I last wrote in here. As you can imagine, things have changed significantly. I just want to let you know that I am here, happy and healthy, always learning new things. I hope the same can be said of you.

I know it is futile and feels a bit forced to try to represent everything that's happened in the last two years to you. But that's how it's got to be sometimes, so here's a quick recapitulation of this time...

Max and I moved back in with his parents in May of 2017. My parents purchased a home that summer. I got a new job in December, which I am so happy to have.

2018 was a year of adjustment. I gained a bit of weight and, with a need for a new wardrobe, got into slow fashion. I made an important move of vindicating my past by joining into the #metoo movement, related to my days as a student in college. I took back my power. Also, I reconnected with my friends from high school!

My love and I took a vacation to Tulum, Mexico in June 2019 to celebrate our fifth year anniversary. But for a few months after our anniversary, he and I went our separate ways. I experienced an upset and needed to take some time... My parents have had a room reserved for me in their house since day one, even though I was living with Max. I moved in with them. I love my family so much.

Now Max and I have a new anniversary date. Because we still live apart, we are reforging our bond with intention and respect. Everything feels familiar yet new, and I am so grateful for a chance to try again. I like the fact that our new anniversary date is so playful and cute, but I don't want to tell you what it is. Not yet, anyway.

There. Was that vague enough for you?! Hehe. But seriously... looking back on my old blog posts here, I am struck by how much I thought that living a good life meant "arriving" somewhere else. In my last couple posts, I related to you my struggle with the job I had, and how I had cut my hours down to part-time, and then fully quit, in order to find my true calling...

Fast forward to me today. I am much more settled into life and finding contentment in the everyday living of it. There is no arriving anywhere. There is only being here, and always moving. Life is like that.

I'm still a dreamer, but I've gotten more grounded. I'm a woman stepping into a river. I love you and thank you for wading in a little bit with me.

How to Become Your Own Boss (When You Are a Special Snowflake Named Bao)

Dear lovies,

Yes, today you are lovies, because after all isn't it the month of love?

Don't judge me too harshly for totally buying into the Valentine's vibes. It's also Black History Month here in the states, so there might be love vibes for me from that, too, to be honest and true n_n

I know there are reasons to celebrate every day, not just one designated span of time, but I still honor the titles and significance we collectively bequeath days and months. The fact alone that certain ideals deserve at least a day for us all, in our communities, to hold and share their significance is pretty great don't you think?

Anyhoo, today I wanted to share something more personal with you, about the work I did internally to reach the decision to quit my job. When I shared the news with you, I spoke in a lot of generalities about my reasons why, and that's not what I want for us, to remain always on a level of platitudes and generalities. Also, I think the possibility exists to spark compassion and insight in others by sharing my own story of working towards compassion and insight with myself.

So, I don't know how to begin other than by beginning... here is some of the work that I did to reach where I am today, broken down into steps the best that I could manage.

Coffee Saturday

Hello my dear friends :)

Max and I spent Saturday together playing around with our camera and gambling a little in Blackhawk, in the mountains. Max really wanted to drive his new sports car around, so the trip up to the mountains was more to break his car in than to go up to gamble.

These pictures were taken in Metropolis coffee, in the Broadway neighborhood, where there's a mix of cool, anti-establishment coffee shops, bookstores, tattoo parlors, gift shops, and a collection of cute boutiques and hip secondhand stores. We limited ourselves to just coffee for our visit, though.

I really wanted to showcase my rings, which I have been wearing every day. The chunkier ring is from David Yurman. Max bought it for me last year off of eBay, because I really wanted that style ring. I absolutely adore the mixed metal. I'm also wearing my new WWAKE ring, which I purchased as a promise ring to myself recently. It has three different types of stones, including a tiny hidden diamond, just for me, facing my palm. Both rings carry a lot of meaning for me.

Jewelry is so beautifully intimate, it feels very loving to have at least a couple of pieces which anchor you in yourself. These two rings serve that function for me :)

Hope you are enjoying your Sunday, my lovelies! Please read more for outfit (and lipstick) details n_n

love,

Bao

Fog Lifting

Hi, friends, Bao here.

I'm sliding into here on the last day of the week to deliver my promised regular post.

Maybe I could even start blogging everyday from now on. I can afford the time now, anyway. I quit my job.

Let me say that again, in case it didn't sink in the first time. I quit my job.

I needed out, you guys. I needed out of feeling never connected to what I was doing. Feeling not in the midst of life, but instead floating over it all the time. I need meaning in my life. I can chip away at something, out of a sense of duty and (up until now) relying on external sources to give structure to my days. But it came down to an all or nothing question for me. And I opted for nothing, I guess.

There have been big questions nagging at me. Of culture and belonging. Self sufficiency within societal systems of responsibility. Relationships and boundaries... I don't think I paid too much attention to "the rules". I was ignorant to so many of them, going through college, and then through my first real-life jobs after college. I still managed to avoid trouble, though. My ignorance can be explained by being a first generation immigrant, not fully embraced by either one of her cultures - oh, and also by my introversion. A double whammy. Anything that an extrovert might have learned through social experience, missed me completely. I managed to avoid trouble, though, because I am mild-mannered, and when I'm not mild-mannered, I am at least somewhat thoughtful about it.

Anyway, I want to forget the rules. The rules I have been tiptoeing around all my life. The lines I've stayed inside. This map was made by someone else, so I am just constantly hovering over it, not connecting to anything on the actual terrain. So I'd like to jump down to the terrain. Forge my own map, my own lines, rules, whatever the heck you want to call them.

At the back of all this, too, I want to spend more time with my family. Make more of a concerted effort with my family.

Honestly, I don't think that the values and rules I come up with for myself will differ all that much from most peoples'. My map will look similar to everyone else's, at the end of the day. But the important part is arriving at them myself.

As I become more of an adult, I make bolder decisions. Let's hope it'll turn out for the best. I have a little bit of a financial net to catch me. I can make it for the next couple months. But after that, I need to find other ways of making money.

Wish me luck, my friends.

love,

Bao

Tattered Cover Bookstore

Moto Shearling Jacket

Hello, friends!

I'm making up for yesterday's photoless blog post with a quick little outfit shoot.

Today went by really fast. We slept in, had a bit of relaxing time on the couch, me writing in my journal and Max scrolling Facebook. Then we went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Aurora for a reunion lunch with a few people from our old company, where Max and I met originally.

Afterwards we went to the central library downtown because I had a book due. I also picked up some Spanish textbooks and reference books - need to start preparing some lesson materials so that I can start tutoring in Spanish! My little side hustle, hehe.

Max good-naturedly took these pictures for me on his phone because I was feelin' my outfit n_n I'm wearing a few new things, like the jeans and the jacket.The jacket was a total steal from Express, and it kept me warm while Max in his fisherman cardigan complained about being chilly.

We drove home at 4:30 and I marveled at how it wasn't yet dark outside. I'm so happy to be getting closer and closer to Spring, though I know it's gonna be a long time yet. Winter in Colorado starts really picking up its pace in February and March, actually. It snows on my birthday more than you'd expect, since my birthday's all the way at the end of March. Lots of light is still something to enjoy, though :)

Hope you all had a great weekend!

love,

Bao

p.s. read more for outfit details. get to know which stores take my money ;)

In the Moment

Dear friends,

I'm afraid today is going to be a boring, photo-less post. It's Saturday. I have the next 5 days off. I am just relaxing today, and trying to figure out what I'm going to do in this mini vacation that got built into my January work schedule.

Do you ever feel like you're just laying around waiting for something to happen? Some idea to hit you, some energy to come to you that you just don't have right now, to get up and start doing something? I often do.

Now that I'm part time, people ask me, what are you doing with your extra time? Well, honestly, I am still just figuring out what to do with my extra time. I'm trying to stay busy, with this blog, with The Artist's Way workbook... but a lot of old habits from depression are present in my life. It feels strange to have more energy to do things, not knowing what to apply that energy towards. Putting myself out there more raises questions I never had to deal with before, too. Anxiety hits me about the things that I'm doing and saying. But at the same time I have a bit more resilience, to bounce back from those anxious thoughts. I'm still just adjusting.

Today, I have done enough already, I think. Cleaned the apartment with Max. Saw my friend Tran at a cafe. Took a nap. Wrote in here. I think I'll spend the rest of the evening reading... dreaming and scheming. What more to do in these precious days of part-time work and how else to take advantage of this time, to learn about myself, to lay the foundation for life the way I want to live it. I'm living it now. I should never lose sight of that.

Enjoy your present, precious friends. Life is precious.

love,

Bao

Snowy Day Spent Inside in Denver

Hi again, friends. I'm back again :)

I've just been spending the day inside relaxing and doing a little personal work. I'm currently reading through The Artist's Way workbook by Julia Cameron. So far I've made it to week 8. I'll let you know how it goes once I'm at the end. All of the things on my bulletin board in the picture above, actually, are things I've done because of assignments in that book :) Except for the little blue pic of FKA Twigs.

Today I felt like giving you a little peek of my room. I mentioned that I redecorated, and the biggest change I made, which I'm most excited for, was I got my own little desk. With the shelf next to it with all my skin care, hair care, and makeup housed in it, my desk also sometimes doubles as my vanity :) I am so grateful to have a little space in our home where I can work, and that is filled with things I love.

See where the pillow is on the floor? I intend to make that my zen and dreaming space soon, as soon as I find a small stand to place in the corner, where I can put incense. Another assignment from The Artist's Way, actually :)

There you have it, a little corner of my world :) It hasn't been clean and clutter free in a while, so today was a good time to share.

I wanted to speak a little bit about the topic of sharing today, actually. I love sharing and documenting online, as I've expressed before. That's why I started to blog, because I wanted to create an intentional space where I could share my life, thoughts, feelings, dreams, and any little thing else. The intention is to have a space of support, of recognition. Even if not many people read these words or visit, whoever does take the time to do so, I hope that you get some sense of companionship from me through my words and images.

I know how it is to be lonely. And I know the importance of having your own space - even if it is only virtual. Hey, virtual is how so many of us connect nowadays. I am renewing and deepening my intention to connect through here, and to share. Social media is not all about getting likes and followers, or at least it doesn't have to be. Blogging is helping me, and I hope that maybe it helps someone else out there, too.

My little moment of zen for today ;)

Hope you're feeling cozy, warm, and loved, wherever you are.

love,

Bao

Get to Know Me: 7 Facts

Having breakfast at home this morning. Welcome in :)

Dear readers and friends,

It's been hard for me to write this post. I wrote it a few times, but then scrapped each draft. And I am currently writing from the start again. Ah, well, it's a personal blog, so I think it might even be best to be writing in the moment, anyway, wouldn't you agree? n_n

If you couldn't tell from the title of this entry, I wanted a chance for us to get to know each other better... or, heck, I might as well just say it: a chance for you to get to know me better, since this blog is mainly all about me :P I can't help it that that's the nature of the medium! Hehe. Feel free to comment though, anything you like. I promise I don't bite! And maybe then we will get a chance to get to know each other better n_n

Here is my breakfast. I hope you have something yummy, and something hot to sip on as well :)

Without further ado, here they are, seven facts about me. Fun and interesting facts about me, with pictures from my past (!), after the jump :)

Life Catch-Up, and Mini Meininger Haul

On our way to our favorite Mexican restaurant :)

Hi, friends! Long time, no see! Again!

Again, I'm really, really sorry! :( I promise to be better!

True, Max pushed me to work on my blog tonight, instead of putting it off for a couple days... but I did have full intentions of coming back full force this year! I will be posting at least once a week this whole year! So you're going to get to know me a lot better! :)

I couldn't possibly tell you everything I've been up to since the last time I wrote, but, well, actually, my life is pretty uneventful, so maybe I could. Some big highlights, though:

• I started bullet journaling. And I freaking. Love it!
• I started working part time.
• I redecorated my room!

So, yeah, that wasn't so hard to sum up, actually! Hehehe.

The first week of 2017 has been chill so far for Max and me. We're coming down from the holidays, still, ya know? Plus, winter in Colorado finally started acting like winter this past week, and we've used that, too, as an excuse to not get out of the house off of our lazy bums ^^''

Today, though, we finally went out. I needed to go to Meininger for some bujo - that's short for bullet journal - supplies, and then I wanted to visit my parents in their mountain-cabin-esque house. (Oh my gosh, where my parents are living now is a story in itself - but it's their own, private story to tell, hehe.) On the way, though, we made a pit stop at our favorite little family-run Mexican restaurant in the Highlands neighborhood, where they make their own fresh tortilla chips, and the best Micheladas ever, and where we haven't had a single bad meal!

Very quick little shoot outside the restaurant, La Taqueria Mexicana, as we were excited to eat here more than anything! It's been a while for us, since this place is out of our way now. We found it when we were living in our old neighborhood n_n

Also, this is the only picture that showed my shoes, too :P

I'm wearing the coat that Maksym got me for Christmas from Greylin. If you guys can tell me what style blogger I copied this coat from, I will send you some airkisses, because that will mean that you and I follow the same influencers online, and in this huge, internet sea, that is quite some affinity-driven coincidence!

Oh, and isn't it great how Pantone named green-gold, or chartreuse as I like to say, the color of the year? That has been my favorite color for quite some time now, so I couldn't be more pleased with the choice! It makes it feel like this is gonna be a good year for me, my year :)

Max missed you guys but he, too, was more interested in tacos at the time ;P

Anyhoo, yes, onward with our journey, we went to my parents' house. We indulged in my new favorite drink to warm up on cold winter days: Lipton tea, mixed with cane sugar and ginger slices. I worked on my bullet journal, and that continued into the next couple of hours, and after we went back home, too.

Here's my little Meininger haul. I don't know how many states Meininger is in, or if it's unique to Colorado, but it's a great art store. It has notebooks and pencils and pens galore, and Max had to drag me out of there today! I behaved and only got my essentials:

Red Fabriano notebook, which is now serving as my trusty bujo, and some fountain ink refills for my Safari LAMY pen :)

Have you heard of Fabriano notebooks? I hadn't until I found them on display at Meininger one day. I fell in love with them slowly, and then all at once! They have the dot-grid that most bullet journalers want, but the grid is smaller than in Leuchturm or Moleskine notebooks. The cover is not as bendable as the Moleskine ones, or as thick and official feeling as the Leuchturms - they're just right in between, so I don't feel bad about tossing it in my purse. They have no fuss to them - just 80 sheets, a little pocket in the back, and no bookmark ribbon which I never paid attention to, anyway.

Some of my favorite tools, in my current favorite colors :) Notice the green gold? :)

Hung out in my sister's bed today working on my bujo. She had already gone back to her college town :(

Well, that's all I have to show you today, lovely readers and friends! n_n

I will be back soon -- I promise - with my hand on my heart - I will be back - soon - very soon!

So, until next time, babies!

Love,

Bao

Room to Play

Near the border of Utah visiting my sister Kitty and her boyfriend John

Empty church sign frame

The church was for sale!

Hello friends! How have you been? Well, let me tell you, I have been on vacation for the past couple weeks, so I am feeling relaxed, happy, and INSPIRED!

Have you ever felt scared to do anything, or make any decision at all? I didn't realize I had been feeling that way for a long time until a little vacation shined some sun through my clouds.

Over the past two weeks, one of my biggest breakthroughs was that I STOPPED constantly asking myself, "Once and for all, who are you, Bao?"

I've realized that since moving out, the pressure slowly mounted for me to figure out my path already. I didn't want to feel aimless anymore, and I kept blindly adopting tactics, to be practical, I told myself, but really it was to create the impression that my decisions were all leading somewhere.

One of the ways I clamped down was by trying to force myself to define my style, and buying only clothes that fit in with that rigid definition. But it wasn't even really my style, it was just my idea that everything had to be appropriate for work - in an office job I don't particularly care for. No money wasted on extraneous "experimentations". It was all business. I know I talked in my last post about frugality, but I think with style, which is important to me, I took it a bit too far.

Time and energy were other resources I was becoming way too strict about. I was very reluctant to give any of my time away, because in my mind my energy, especially, was an extremely limited resource that I worried constantly about expending. My topsy turvy schedule really takes a lot out of me, but on top of that, I didn't have much of a vision for life beyond my current job.

Now I am giving myself more room to play. I am letting myself expand just a little bit into what I feel, and what I really want to do. As a result, I have a bit more of a vision for my life! :) Funny how you think, by giving up control, you will lose direction in life, but sometimes that's what you really need to figure it out!

I can't wait to share more with you the things I'm learning, and to even show you stuff I've bought lately :) Shopping haul!! Yes, this is that kind of blog - since we're friends I have to show you what I'm excited about, right!!

I will talk to you again soon, friend, with a shopping haul. Until then I would love to hear your stories about finding inspiration again. Bye!

Love,

Bao

Summertime, Frugal Weekend!

Hello friends! I'm back again! Sooner than you thought, right? Well I must admit to you that, writing again within the same month, I don't know how to start this conversation, except for in my accustomed style - awkward and abrupt.

Since with my current job I only get one weekend off a month, I've been trying to enjoy these past couple of days off with my boo thoroughly. Saturday, Max and I roamed thrift stores and an international festival downtown. We bought a really yummy jar of crystalized, Colorado honey from a local beekeeper, got Max registered to vote, and ran from the rain. At night we went to a cute, trendy restaurant called North County to enjoy tacos and churros for dinner.

Max sporting his newly acquired "Vote, F*cker" button, outside the Denver Art Museum

Today my friend Yuliya and I practiced our photography skills on each other downtown, in the area around Union Station and the Millennium Bridge. I mostly modeled for her, but she wouldn't show me any of the pictures she snapped of me today, since she wants to choose the best ones and photoshop them. Here's a photo I snapped of her, though.

On the Millennium Bridge figuring out shutter speeds

After saying goodbye to Yuliya, I went with Max south to the Castle Rock outlet mall in search of camping gear. We quickly realized camping gear was not the mainstay at that mall, but of course clothes and accessories were! We had a good time walking and looking around (and again practicing photography) though the offerings at every store seemed to us bland. What's important is that we explored! Later we went grocery shopping, made some sandwiches for dinner, and finally ended the weekend with one last excursion to our favorite hookah spot. Now of course I'm at home writing this :)

Posing at the outlet mall. Don't let the lighting fool you, it was hot!

Finally, I want to take a moment to note how much more frugal I've become recently. Ever since setting some serious goals for myself, I've become more and more driven with the long term in mind. I went a whole week without spending any money, eating only food that we had gotten from the grocery. And I've gotten a lot better at telling myself that the sense of instant gratification I can get from buying things - especially clothes that aren't necessary, just to add a sense of novelty to my life, is not worth putting off my goals anymore! Better to save my money! And enjoy the journey and the people with me, more than transient items acquired along the way.

Love,

Bao

A Lot of Promise

Hi there, friends!

Should I apologize again for the time in between posts, or have we established a new norm already? Well, I'll say it one more time, anyway: I'm very sorry for the delay in between posts... this time even longer than the last!

Last time I promised I would be back soon, but then we moved into a new apartment and, well, it's like I turned a new page in life. Since the building we're in now is more modern, clean, and pretty, I've been motivated to do all that I can to keep it that way. Here, I'll show you some pictures :)

My Chloé bag modeling on our dining table with the flowers Max got me for our 2nd year anniversary! :)

Our DIY shelf next to the window doesn't block the sunlight!

I am finally starting to feel like a real adult. To me, that means prioritizing what is important in life and focusing your energy towards that, without relying on too many other people to get you there. Of course Max is there for the ride, because he is my partner in life, but still there are many things that, regardless of relationship status, everyone has to face on their own. Some of those things for me have been: dealing with rejection, taking a stance on certain issues and facing opposition for it, and motivating myself in my hours alone to do things that I used to not have the energy or strength to do on my own.

I wish I could speak with you with a bit more detail about my life, but I guess that comes more easily when one updates more frequently than I have been doing. For now it's broad strokes again. Without making this sound like too much of a promise, I will say that I will try painting with smaller strokes, soon enough, hehe.

Goodbye, friends! I leave you with a picture of a tranquil evening we spent in the park last week, reading on a throw blanket we spread out on the grass.

Love,

Bao

An Ordinary Life

Hello friends, I apologize for the silence here on the blog. I was thinking I would write in here every week, but actually that is quite hard to do - especially when you want to put content out that you feel will make a contribution in some way. My life is not full of grand lessons every day, nor is it full of worldwide adventure or photo-worthy moments to whisk anyone else out of their everyday lives.

All I have to offer you are some simple observations, some modest plans, and an occasional picture here and there.

There's nothing wrong with that though, is there? One of the tenets of my writing here is that we are friends. So there shouldn't be pressure for me to teach you anything, or to give you only carefully constructed and curated glimpses into my life. If you are here, it is only to enjoy some company. By the way, feel welcome to comment on my posts, I will definitely respond!

Let me tell you a little bit about what's going on in my life right now.

My Routines: Skincare

Dear friends, I had the idea of writing to you about my skin care routine, but I kept wanting to sneak other topics in here. The idea of writing only about skin care seems so simple and concrete to me, and simple and concrete is not really the way I think. But routine is one of the few doorways I have found into focusing on the present, and into experiencing more through my body rather than only through my mind. I want to keep this blog simple, to keep up a conversation with anyone who might read me, and to continue exploring how simple, concrete acts can lead to dialogue and personal insight, by showing the type of person you are in doing them. The best way to become is to simply be!

In these modern times, when diverse experiences from all different walks of life are offered up in so many fragments and artifacts on the internet, a person like me could spend a whole day adrift. And, believe me, I have! I have spent days on my couch just taking in abstract ideas of others' lives, and doing just the bare minimum to eat and clean, and basically care for myself. So I am thankful for routine. I am thankful to have the energy to gather myself, most days, into enough of a concrete person to do routines to care for myself and my surroundings. Again, believe me, I didn't always have that. I am slowly learning to love myself a little more, to make more time for myself and for the life I want to lead. This blog is one of the ways I am putting my energy into myself a little bit more.

I am thinking I will write about more of my routines here. Each routine gives you a doorway into my personality, my mind, and how I approach things - like how I budget my money, how I decide what my skin needs, how I research, my role models, and so many other undercurrents. I might write about my bathtime routine next, or my shopping routine. But without further ado, here is one of the routines I practice: my skincare routine. All that is written here are my thoughts and opinions. I am not an expert by any means!

An Open Room

Hi blog, it's been a while! Since I last wrote, Max and I moved out together and both started new jobs. We have been slowly getting the ropes of building a life together. He has mainly been the person to cook, while I have mainly been the person to plan and occasionally clean. Our life isn't beautiful by any means. It has had its dark days full of doubt and stress, and wide open expansive, joyous days full of love and hope. One thing for sure is that it is becoming more and more our own. A new feeling of peace has introduced itself to me amidst this bumpy ride. I have never before experienced the feeling of being so close to someone, loving them as much as I feel loved, trusting them so that the most intimate, vulnerable center point of me feels enclosed by the warmth of our bond -- and at the same time, sensing an openness and expansiveness in that bond, because I know that it is not all-consuming... like the quote, I know that we are not lovers lost in each others' eyes, but lovers gazing in the same direction, at the world around us. There is an openness and closeness in this relationship, the relationship most important to me at this point in my life. I am grateful that Max and I found each other, to be able to experience this at such a young age. Who's to say what will come, but I am grateful for everything thus far, at least.

But I don't mean to write here to keep singing praises for my relationship. I just don't want to overwhelm you with too many updates about my life, now that I'm back! Rather, I wanted to give you a warm hello, giving you a casual recap as I lean on the doorway of this room I haven't entered for quite some time. I am excited to start writing here again, and a lot more regularly, too. Thanks for taking the time to read me again, friend. I'll see you soon!